Purge
by Deltana
Summary: You told me you would be with me forever, that I was your one and only. Was I wrong for believing your words? I wanted so badly to trust you… It’s your fault I feel like this now.


**_PURGE-_**

I am not afraid of anything damn it! Anyone who would suggest otherwise can go to hell.

I mean, I know Al is just trying to help but… the more he talks, the worse I get.

He awkwardly tries to bring his -now flesh- arms around me and he says that it is okay for me to cry.

I don't want to though. If I do, it will make it seem all the more real, and then I'll have to accept it. And I can't handle that, not now, not _ever_.

You told me you would be with me forever, that I was your one and only. Was I wrong for believing your words? I wanted so _badly_ to trust you…

You said that your skirt chasing days were over, and that they had ended the day you saw me for the first time. My heart fluttered at that.

You bastard, you followed her away and had the gall to try and say that it was for the best. Damn you!

It's your fault I feel like this now. If you were going to do this to me, why couldn't you have just left me alone in the first place? Did you think causing me pain was _funny_?

When I asked Al about this, he told me I was being stupid and that you did love me. I _loved_ you too.

There are so many people that came, and they are acting as if my pain is a celebration. Coming to give their well wishes to you and all _I _can do is cry.

Music is playing in the background. Trumpets I think. The melody sounds as sad as I am.

Hawkeye is beside me; she wraps her arm around me and pulls my head to her side. She hums softly and I grab her, bury my face in her bosom and bawl my eyes out.

Her voice lulls some of the hurt away. She must have known how I felt for you, and found the need to comfort me. I think she felt the same way about you.

But she wasn't kissed by you like I was. She didn't wake up every morning in your bed as you whispered sweet nothings in her ear. You never tell her how sorry you were when you left her dreadfully alone.

So she could not understand everything. Only _I_ knew.

I see you, escorted by your best friend up the aisle. I frown, as though Hughes is betraying me too, in that respect. Why can _he_ walk with you and not _me_?

Even if it is to escort you to the one you will spend your forever with, I would give my soul to hold you just one _last_ time.

The ceremony happens, and I stay by Al and Riza. They both grip my hands at the priest's words of eternal blessing for you and your new partner. I grow _numb_.

Hawkeye glances at me with -what I fear- is pity and tells me softly that we should go now, and let you be at peace. But I don't want to leave you; I don't want to be alone!

I desperately break free from their grasp, running to you. Neither tries to follow me.

A pained sob wails out of my throat as I throw myself onto you and _feel_ your arms around me. I can hear them talking behind me as they approach. They are going to take me away from you.

"_What?! You can't be serious! There's no way that he would've-"_

"_Lieutenant Havoc, do you honestly think I would joke about something like this?"_

"_Well of course not. But damn! Why didn't somebody tell me sooner? I could have gotten out of that hospital faster. I would have wanted to walk him up there with Hughes. I was his friend too, you know!"_

"_I know Havoc. I know."_

I don't care about them, _you_ are all that matters.

"_So, how's the boss taken this?"_

"_As well as can be expected. They got quite close."_

"_Damn. Who's the broad that did it?"_

"_Alphonse tells me her name is Lust; apparently she's one of the Homunculi."_

"_That bitch? The one that put holes in my back! I'll kill her…"_

They're wrong. You are not gone; you're _here_ with me right now. She didn't steal you away from me. You're still _mine_.

I curl myself deeper into the dirt covered grave and peek at the headstone. I should be here instead of you. _Death_ is no partner that you should have to be with forever. You didn't _deserve_ it like I do.

That's why you told me goodbye and left wasn't it? You tried to keep me safe knowing they would come after me.

I didn't _need_ your fucking protection!

I curled my lips in a snarl and spat out, "Damn you Roy Mustang!"

And yet, I still _love_ you.

* * *

_AN: I have NO idea where this came from, but it made me feel all depressed as I was writing it._


End file.
